Edith Peña. When she said it, her voice dropped to a whisper.

“But that’s okay!”

“Why do I have to? What was it, ‘Sara?’ I said, ‘The last girl with whom I exchanged a kiss.’ That was how I was taken.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not you.”

I got up to go in.

“It’s all in my mind. You think I’m taking advantage of my son, don’t you? Do you think the way I’m acting, the way I am, in these moments… is to make you think of me?”

“That’s not your fault. I know when you’re thinking of me.”

I shook my head. “I don’t.” I tried to stand. The sun was nearly down. “I’m thinking of you when I’m with Anna.”

“What do you mean by that? Anna has never meant it to be about you.”

“You’re doing this. You’re letting yourself think about it; making the connection between me—”

I caught her wrist and caught her jaw. “You’re going nowhere with this. You’re not even talking about yourself. I don’t even know what ‘you’ is. What is’me?’ I’m not even bothering to look into it anymore.”

“It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter.”

She didn’t respond.

Her face was pale, and her eyes darted around aimlessly. She gave herself a deep breath. “You told me, the first time you told me you didn’t need to be a mother. That you could figure out what you wanted—”

“I’m sorry.”

“It matters. Because…”

“Because I love me better.”

“The first time I told you, I didn’t mean it. I only meant to mean it. That I’m gonna stay, and it’s not your choice, the way I’ve come to believe it is.” I sat up. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you?”

I held my breath, then squeezed out the words. Her face grew very pale.

“No. I really am.”

When she started again, I heard the faint sound of tears.

“But you’ll find